SEX AND ASTROLOGY
Sex is such an important part of a relationship and yet so many couples have sexual problems. Initially, it may be wonderful, but then so often things run amuck. It may be just that one or both parties don’t seem to be as interested in sex as they were in the beginning. It’s surprising how many people feel that it’s normal for sexual desire to diminish after the first few months, and perhaps significantly after a few years. They assume that only in the beginning does the excitement and novelty of a new partner create a strong sexual focus. Certainly newness is a contributing factor to the initial level of interest in, and desire for sex. But, within a healthy emotional environment, sex will change only in that it will become better as two people become more aware of one another’s sexual preferences and desires and more emotionally connected. Therefore, sex becomes more fulfilling and more emotionally rewarding. Sex with a new partner is not usually all that emotionally meaningful.
Perhaps one of the biggest problems that couples face is simply a lack of insight regarding their mate’s true sexual needs and desires. It is enormously helpful to understand how chart influences affects a person’s basic sex drive, sexual energy, and attitudes toward sex. One chart will produce an individual who is perhaps less focused on sex, more shy or reserved regarding sex, and less able to communicate sexual needs. Another chart may indicate that the person is more sexual and open to experiencing new things.
While certainly parental attitudes toward sex and an individual’s early sexual encounters can have a strong influence on one’s comfort zone regarding sex, the astrological chart tells us about basic sexual needs and how they are tied to a person’s emotional nature. This is extremely important information to have in order to fully understand one’s own sexual nature and is also vitally important in telling us about a mate or potential partner.
Whether a person is highly sexual, or less sexually inclined, there tends to be guilt associated with sexual needs. A person may experience guilt and feelings of inadequacy due to feeling that perhaps one is undersexed, or guilt and feelings of being abnormal if one views oneself as being too sexual – this would be particularly true for women. Guilt, and the resulting judmentalness comes from a lack of both understanding and acceptance. It is very unfortunate that humans are so often unable to understand and accept their innate sexual nature.
Is it any wonder that sexual problems derail so many relationships when without dealing with this issue people in all types of close relationships have such difficulty connecting emotionally on an ongoing basis. When we add sex to the equation, with it’s tremendous potential for ego and rejection problems, it sometimes amazes me that the divorce rate isn’t closer to 90%. It may seem like fodder for comedy writers, but it is so true that people are much more in touch with their vulnerability when not protected by clothing. We are really all so emotionally fragile! And, even the most confident person can find themselves devastated when feeling judged or rejected sexually. It plays havoc with “gender confidence” and can leave one feeling inadequate, and even abnormal.
We are often quick to judge ourselves and others in terms of what is normal. While in reality, what feels normal for one person would not feel normal to another. Particularly when Venus is located in a Martian Element (Air or Fire), a person will find themselves constantly judging themselves and others. This Martian Venus also produces an attitude of extreme perfection. And, while other major planets in Air and/or Fire can also contribute to idealism and perfectionism, Venus in these Elements produces an extreme need for everything to be perfect, especially when it comes to romance and sex. With a man this can result in his being so perfectionistic and having such high expectations for himself and for his mate, that few sexual encounters can match up to the preconceived vision of the perfect experience. While a Martian Venus can also affect women in this manner, it is more problematic for men due to their penchant for “making a woman happy” (something Dr. John Gray has brought to our attention). There is a very strong need for the entire sexual experience to be perfect.
Most people just need more information about how they can dramatically change the sexual issues or problems they’re dealing with. It is possible for a couple to maintain mutual sexual desire. As a matter of fact, if they are communicating their needs in a healthy and normal way, they will increase the level of desire for both parties. They simply need to know what key things trigger the desire for sex in the opposite sex. In my consultations I am able to share important information with my clients regarding the enormous psychological differences between men and women regarding how they approach sex. When people do not allow for these key differences between the sexes, it can ultimately create major problems in their sexual lives by reducing one, or both party’s interest in sex.
Dr. John Gray’s incredible book, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. Dr. Gray has a wonderful way of explaining how dramatically men and women differ in what triggers their sexual desire. These unique needs must be met by a partner before an individual genuinely feels in the mood! I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I work with my clients in helping them understand how this information may apply even more specifically to them or their mate based on how much Venusian and Martian energy we find in their charts.
And now let’s take a look at some of the main indicators of a person’s sexual needs, desires, blockages and inhibitions.
I feel that it is certainly a combination of the astrological chart and environment that ultimately determine whether a person will interact in a “normal” or healthy way sexually. However, there are chart issues that produce a person who is simply more, or less sexually inclined.
Let me begin by looking at the sign of Scorpio which many consider to be the most sexual sign energy. There is no doubt some truth to this concept based on the fact that Scorpio is the most intensely emotional of the signs. It is also in the Western Hemisphere — these six signs (Sagittarius, Scorpio, Libra, Virgo, Leo, Cancer) are the most “needy” signs, the one most in need of interaction (would tend to add a neediness for sexual interaction) with others and the most dependent on positive feedback from others. Since Scorpio is perhaps the most secretive of the Venusian non-confrontive Water and Earth signs and therefore inclined to suppress their intense emotional nature, those with strong influence in this sign may use sex as a way of releasing their emotions. And, Scorpio is ruled by Pluto and Mars, two planets that we associate with sexual energy. Scorpio is the natural 8th house — this would indicate that people with major planets in the 8th house will tend to be more sexual. We would conclude that one with Pluto/Mars connections, particularly involving Scorpio or their 8th house, would be a more sexual individual.
Another chart indicator that would produce more potential sexual energy would involve a greater number of major planets in the two emotional elements of Fire and Water. This would mean that there would be a lack of Earth and Air influence. The mental elements of Earth and Air produce more control of emotions. Sex and emotions are certainly connected. It would stand to reason that a more intensely emotional person would probably also be a more sexual person. Though this will not be true across the board due to other chart factors and life experiences.
The single planet that would have the most influence on sexual inhibition would be the planet Saturn that represents control and discipline in general, and can cause a repressed attitude toward sex.. When Saturn is conjunct Mars one may be slow in making the first move sexually. Saturn square Mars causes this person to hold back unnecessarily thereby often not being able to fully enjoy sex. When Saturn in opposing Mars there are times when the person would experience inexplicable periods of sexual inhibition. With Saturn in the 8th house an individual will be fearful and hesitant regarding sexual exploration. Oddly, there will actually be a fascination with exploring new sexual experiences. It will simply be approached with anxiety and caution. When Saturn is in the 5th house sexual relationships will be taken seriously. There will possibly be a lack of sexual experience since this is not someone to engage in recreational sex.
And in terms of a person who may not appear to be someone who is particularly sexual, he or she may have a very sexual nature and simply have chart energies that cause a reserved or shy demeanor (anything from a shy Cancer Rising to overall high Water and Air influence which is very sensitive, or maybe a dignified Capricorn Rising).
Then there are people who may end up surprising even themselves once they find a partner who they completely trust a partner emotionally. They are then able to explore and indulge their sexuality.